Fear of Abandonment: How To Cope With It

For people living with someone who has emotional issues, such as fear of abandonment, it can be very scary and lonely. Often, the mentally ill person will be completely irrational in their thinking process. There is no amount of trying to convince the person that they are just imagining their problems and that none of it is true. This mental issue envelops the entire life of the affected person and anyone else around them that cares about them.

What is Fear of Abandonment?

This type of fear is considered a phobia, which at times, may be exhibited along with a personality disorder. A person who feels they are about to be discarded or rejected from someone they care about, the fear of losing someone completely envelops the insecure person in their imagination, and fearful mindset.

This type of fear is often associated with a strong sense of dependency on someone else. For these individuals, they usually suffer from a borderline personality disorder. This gives the person the ability to continue to live with a chronic fear that their world and everything about it can come crashing down around them through the abandonment issues of those closest to them.

Possible Causes of Fear of Abandonment

Normally people develop fears of abandonment during their childhood period. It can be anything from having a parent leave and never return (such as with death) or parents that are home for their children physically, but not emotionally. If a child never felt enough love and care from a parent, these abandonment issues can arise as the child develops both physically and emotionally. Even children sexually abused can feel these fears because all they know is that the trusted family member was supposed to be there for them, but instead turned them into a sex object. Girls will often become promiscuous and think guys will want them if they have sex with them. Then, when the man does not call back, the girl is sent back into the fear of abandonment role.

Another cause of this fear issue may arise from lack of object constancy. Although most children acquire this skill around age 2 or 3, some individuals do not develop in this area, so they have the personality disorder which does not allow them to understand that people or even objects are trustworthy, reliable, and consistent in their life.  These are just some of the fear of abandonment symptoms.

What People Feel When They Have Fear of Abandonment Issues

People with this disorder tend to be clingy and insecure about themselves and others in their life. If the person is married, they may believe their partner is always cheating on them. A boyfriend or girlfriend may call or text their partner at least 15 – 20 times per day to check up on them. They will try to make the other person feel guilty by telling them statements such as:

* You never did love me.
* If I cannot have you, I will kill myself.
* You like someone else more than me.
* I know you want to leave me.

When someone is exhibiting these fears, it will often take on the form of extreme jealousy. The person will try to pressure their partner to cut off all contact with family, friends, and co-workers. If you are the partner of someone with this disorder, it is important that you keep yourself safe and any children away from any possible harm that the irrational person may cause. For family and friends of this person, there are therapy groups to help with the emotional turmoil that you also experience when trying to live with a person that has this disorder.

Coping with Fear of Abandonment

Never try to rationalize with this person. They will never believe you with this disorder. The best way to help resolve these fears or at least reduce them to a level they can accept is to be there while the person seeks therapy for this condition. This allows for the person to possibly have relationships with friends and families that are healthy relationships.

Psychotherapy can help some overcome these fears. They teach the individual how to change the emotional reaction or thoughts of abandonment. They sometimes have to go back into the person’s childhood to find where these behaviors began.

The most important part is that the person develops good coping skills to deal with the abandonment issues. They may never be totally without these fears, but at least with the help of a good therapist, the symptoms can be managed quite effectively.

Fear of Abandonment Symptoms: What Are They?

Fear of abandonment is defined as a person thinking they are in danger of losing or being rejected by ones that they love. There many symptoms that one will show when suffering from the fear of abandonment.

One of these fear of abandonment symptoms that we will describe briefly is lack of object consistency. Lack of object consistency is defined as feeling that people around you are unreliable and won’t be there anymore, especially when you are not able to see them. An example of object consistency is when an infant is away from their mother or father, they cry because they need to make sure they are still going to consistently be there. This is just one of the fear of abandonment symptoms that we will describe here.

Another symptom is when one starts to panic. When the person they are trying to talk to doesn’t answer one’s phone calls, text one back, doesn’t come home, they start to think they have lost them for good. This is a very obvious symptom that you will be able to notice.

Sometimes one will need constant reassurance that the people around them do love them. They will sometimes ask questions like “do you really love me”, “how much do you really love me”, “are you going to always love me”. These are just some of the reassuring questions one will ask.

One will sometimes go as far as to blackmail the ones they love. For example tell loved ones that they will hurt themselves if they leave. One will do whatever it takes to get that person from leaving them. This can be a very scary symptom to have to deal with, but it isn’t the person’s fault.

As you can see, we have described a few “fear of abandonment symptoms.” Having abandonment issues isn’t something anybody wants to have to deal with. If you know somebody with these issues, it is best to refer them to a counselor. Counselors deal with patients with this same disorder every day and are one of the leading professionals who can help with this. You should also be there for this person as much as you can but also realize it’s best for them to have alone time too.